.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;} Searching for the Moon
My original blog - I have moved to http://shannonclark.wordpress.com so this remains only as an archive.
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Searching for the Moon
by Shannon Clark

Friday, October 04, 2002

I really should know better...

or how some things in my life just keep repeating

It seems, almost without fail, when I buy tickets for something in advance, that life intercedes to prevent me from taking advantage.

At the moment, it appears that my date for Saturday is off - which really sucks. She may have to help a friend of her's move - what's most annoying about this, is not that she is helping a friend (I do believe her) - I would hope that a woman I am attracted to is the type to help her friends when they need help - but that clearly she did not hold our plans for tomorrow in much import - she does want to do something some other time - (she ended with "next time") so that is not a bad sign, but it is perhaps, a sign that she may not be treating these dates as "dates" as I had hoped she would be...

Or perhaps I am just reading too much (or too little?) into this all.

I offered to help her and her friend with the move (suggesting that perhaps we could finish in time for the movie...) even if we missed the movie, I mostly want to spend time with her - the movie really is very secondary.

But I do have the tickets for the film in my wallet - absolute worse case I'll go to the theater on Saturday (assuming that our date is really off) and look for someone who needs a ticket - preferably a cute single movie loving straight woman... but I might just sell both tickets to a couple and walk away (or go to a friend's booksigning up in Evanston) - who knows, perhaps it will work out for the best - but I guess it also says something that a large part of me doesn't really want that to happen - I really do want to spend time with her - she really does hold my interest.

Somehow though very typical of my life - and consistent with my not having ever really had a second date with someone (okay, one ex-girlfriend is the exception, but our first "date" didn't happen until after we had spent a night together - but not quite as that sounds... very complicated)

Okay, perhaps not so complicated - my one serious ex-girlfriend and I, while we did lots of "frolicking" as some might say, we never did have intercourse - so while we did sleep together before our first "date" as such, we didn't do all that that phrase might usually imply.

But other than with her, I have never had a real second date with someone - I've had plenty of female friends with whom I have done activities that would seem to look like "dates" but it was always pretty clear that we were doing them as friends - this is the first time actually that I have had a series of interactions with someone, had one real "date" and continued in a manner that I hope at least makes it clear that I would like it to be more than just a friendship...

However, having never succeeded at that in the past - I wonder if I just naturally send off signals to woman that I am "friend" not "lover" material?

Annoyingly this has also really put me in a very poor mood - all my plans for this weekend seem to be ending (tonight I had planned on going out with a group of friends to celebrate one friend's birthday - but instead she wants to spend the evening at home writing - which I can't say is a bad thing - and is probably what I should spend the evening doing myself)

I do wish I could break out of this pattern in my life however - I can sense that were I in a relationship while not everything would be perfect (at least not forever) that a whole about my life would be better - and that I would be much more motivated to do lots of things - there is only so much and so long that you can go through life living mostly alone - I think I hit my limit about four+ years ago.

10/04/2002 02:57:00 PM 0 comments links to this post
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Shannon John Clark (email me), b. 1974.

Male (to hold off the assumptions), currently in Chicago, IL.
I am active on many other forums and sites around the Internet. If I am online, feel free to Skype me.
You are also welcome to connect with me on Omidyar Networks on LinkedIn or Ryze.com and my blog on Ecademy or see more about me at MeshForum or my corporate site, JigZaw . I also maintain piecing IT together, as my corporate blog for JigZaw Inc.