Okay, I have a question for anyone reading this, could you give me some feedback on what I'm doing here?
Am I to random? (in when I post, in what I post?)
Do you even finish my frequent long rambles?
I ask because though I think I am getting some people looking here, at least it seems that way (perhaps 10 people a day, not sure really), I only very infrequently get any comment or feedback about what I have put here - but any and all is always very very welcome. (yes, that is a hint)
In the past month plus, I have a vaguest feeling that some number of my friends are not talking to me - but I'm not really sure. For one, it feels like a lot of people I have emailed in the past few months who previously have been very good about replying and corresponding have suddenly stopped replying to my emails.
In a few cases phone calls as well have gone unreturned.
In other cases, events that I think I would have previously been invited to have occurred without an invite to me - though again, I do not quite know why.
Here is a simple blunt statement to my friends (and I guess to strangers as well) - I have almost ZERO concept of how I appear/come across to others, really - I have a very poor sense of how I am percieved.
I do have a fairly good sense of how people whom I talk with view me - that I mostly "get", and even when we may disagree on a particular point, I get the general sense that people are willing to engage me in conversation and discussion - i.e. that I am listening, and that we have conversations and discussions - not some form of argument etc (recently I have been attending political discussions on Thursday evenings each week - lots of fun - in part because there is a real diversity of opinions and viewpoints, which is somewhat unusual and I think very cool.
I also know that generally when I am talking to people about business or technical matters, I am generally respected and listened to, I frequently do in fact know a fair amount about a given subject, and people respect that. So in business and professional matters I am fairly comfortable. In other areas like philosophy and politics, I have generally thought about them a great deal, though probably not as much as many, and certainly my views are non-mainstream in most cases.
However, in personal matters my sense of how I come across is mostly non-existant.
Last night I had a conversation with a woman who works for a local non-profit. I had sat down with her and her boss a few months back and showed them some cool and useful technologies on the Internet, last night she called me with a question about her DSL and webhosting etc. So we had a nice conversation, but that's not the point. The point is that she commented that I seemed the type to make someone a "tech widow" - i.e. someone who does nothing else but technology.
In some respects she is not far from the truth - I do think about and read about technology a lot, though I probably spend as much (or more) time reading and thinking about business and networks (of people not wires) as I do technology persay. However, I do have other interests - I like movies, I like science fiction (and fantasy), I write, I used to be a photographer (would like to be again but do not have the money for it at the moment), I like art, I enjoy politics, philosophy, games (mostly strategy, not of chance, luck or trivia). I love food (perhaps slightly too much at times).
But in looking over my list though many of the items I enjoy can involve other people, for me at least most of them do not. I spend a really remarkable amount of my time "alone" - at least in my head, and usually physically as well.
I know that there are entire slices of life and living that I am missing and have been for so long that in most cases I do not "miss" them because I have never had them. I envy those of my friends for whom such things come easily and naturally.
So, in short, as my friends (or at least a kindly stranger) what feedback can you give me? Have I (do I) do something that causes people to ignore me and/or to avoid me?
I think there is something about the style in which I sometimes (usually I suspect) write online that causes at least some to react negatively - for example, on an online personal site (nerve.com if you care) where I have posted an ad and do from time to time try to reply to ads, I have basically over the past year gotten next to zero responses to any of my ads, and almost no response to any of my replies to someone else's ad.