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My original blog - I have moved to http://shannonclark.wordpress.com so this remains only as an archive.
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Searching for the Moon
by Shannon Clark
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Saturday, March 29, 2003
In which some editing is done
of my novel no less
Well, I am not sure I like it as it currently stands, but I don't hate it either, just am not completely satisfied. But, last night, I managed to edit my novel for the first time in months.
To start, I have now, finally, broken it into some chapters and put some structure to it, though it needs much, much more.
Most of my time was spent on the first 50 pages or so, which I edited with the goal of getting something reasonable for the Wiscon writer's respite. I have selected the first chapter, which is about 6000 words, currently on about 27 pages (Courier 12 point, double spaced). So while it does not feel like a lot of words, I do worry that it may be too much for the respite even so.
Additionally, I am not sure that I like all aspects of the current story and plot, there are some hints that I have left in that I am considering taking out, and some elements that I think I need to refine/extend/change.
Even more, I worry that my writing style will not be up to the standards of the others at Wiscon, in The Third Coast (my current working title), I am writing in a style that I am not sure I quite recognize, but I don't think it is typical either - probably too driven by old radio plays, lots of dialogue, some of which may be more than a bit stilted (need to keep working on it).
And I worry that though I have toned it down, there is still too much explication, too much "deus ex machima" (though some of that is the nature of the plot, revolving in part around time travel).
But on the other hand, I am not really on some level writing "science" fiction, in that though there is some time travel it is just a plot device, not what I am writing about - i.e. I try to glide over the "science" and want to focus more on the history and the people, I want to write about the shadows of history, times of chaos, and the small acts and actions of people, even people whom we love and think we know, that might not be what we expect.
My plot, as such, is on two levels - the first is the main character, Francis, on a bit of journey of discovery about his family (and himself) across time.
The second, is the story of a group of other people affected by Francis's family throughout history, but who also have their own stories and histories which are changed by his family (and which go on in directions sideways to the Hatterfords (Francis's family).
Anyway, later today I will probably just make the decision to send it off and hope for the best...
3/29/2003 04:15:00 PM
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America's Biggest Readers
1 book a week makes you a big read? 2 books a week?
Heck, most years that would be a weekend for me, though the past three years as I have been working on starting JigZaw I have slowed down, probably to about 1-2 books a week average now (plus 5 magazines, 4-5 newspapers, 100+ pages of emails/day, and countless articles and websites... so perhaps not all that slowed down.
Most years of my life, however, I have read at a very rapid pace, usually reading some each day, but when I have blocks of time I tend to read multiple books, two or three books (or more) in a day is not uncommon for me.
And though I read quickly, I don't "speed read" but I do average about 80 pages an hour or so.
3/29/2003 04:02:00 PM
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Friday, March 28, 2003
lgf: The Pentagon's New Map
Comments on the Pentagon's New Map article on lgf (Little Green Footballs) where the link was posted almost 20 days ago.
3/28/2003 03:07:00 PM
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The Pentagon's New Map from Esquire Magazine, March 2003 issue by Thomas P.M. Barnett.
This is vital reading by everyone on both sides of the debate about the current war.
3/28/2003 02:04:00 PM
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Tuesday, March 25, 2003
Home--Berkman Center for Internet and Society
Okay, were I to be in Boston, and were I to ever be accepted by Harvard (Harvard Law more specifically), this seems very much like the group I would want to be a part of.
In any case, I plan on looking at their projects in depth, and participating in some of them to the degree that I can.
3/25/2003 07:41:00 PM
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Article (linked to by Larry Lessig's blog) by Jon Zittrain about his open source web based courseware software, Rotisserie.
I think well worth looking at in more detail, and I plan on looking into how to use this for some of the groups I have worked with in the past.
3/25/2003 06:51:00 PM
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RatcliffeBlog: Business, Technology & Investing - entry on identity business
Interesting idea (thanks Doc Searls for the link).
I need to think about this more, read over it and see if it applies potentially to some of the networking that I am currently involved in. Perhaps there is a role for sites such as Ryze or Ecademy to play around this idea?
3/25/2003 12:45:00 PM
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Transit Users Called Creeps & Weirdos : Vancouver Indymedia
Sad. If I had ever even briefly considered buying a GM car, this would put a stop to that thought.
I'm a very big supporter of public transit - indeed I really should not own a car at all.
And, I find the thought implied by this ad that public transit riders are "creeps and weirdos" not just insulting but also likely more than a bit racist (or at least elitist/classist)
I will freely confess that I am an urban creature - I believe that you should live someplace where you can get your basic needs ON FOOT, where you have access to public spaces, and where a car is optional, not required. All of which are traits of a "good" city landscape in my view, though certainly many developers disagree with me - seemingly thinking that people want to live isolated from their neighbors and away from neighborhood businesses and resources - suburbs in the city basically.
Public Transit plays a critical and vital role in the urban landscape. More than just getting people from one point to another, it serves to bring people together and humanize the city. Rather than being isolated in our steel (well now mostly plastic) cages, public transit means that you have to BE with others, and that everyone is equal. It is also a space for random conversations, meetings, encounters - all vital to being a part of a city.
With repetition, you begin to see the same people, people who share a route in common with you, and over time this humanizes the vastness of the urban environment.
In a similar manner, walking to shopping and local resources is another means whereby the "village" can develop in the midst of the city.
In the part of Chicago where I live, I know a lot of my neighbors and fellow residents of the city. We see each other in the shops and cafes, we talk to each other while sitting on the sidewalk on a summer's day watching the world go by. I know my local beat cop, indeed have eaten dinner with him and other mutual friends.
This is what makes the urban environment so manificent and wonderful. Beyond the many casual interactions and friendships, it is the diversity of those connections. My friends are of all races, all ages, all genders, all sexualities. Some are out of work cabdrivers, some are investment bankers. We all share a common urban environment.
Were I to be a "car" person, I would have rarely, if ever, met these friends. Instead of walking home each evening (when I leave the office at a reasonable time), I would have been driving from one parking lot to another - avoiding meeting anyone.
Indeed, in the summertime especially, it is a very rare evening that on my one mile walk home that I do not encounter at least one (and usually many more than that) friend or group of friends. Often, we end up at least talking, and not uncommonly eating dinner or at least sitting at a local cafe and catching up, talking about our lives, the weather, the news of the day.
When I have a family, I plan on raising my children in a city, I want them to grow up in a highly diverse environment. Rather than isolating them in our own private large yard, I want them to grow up celebrating the many parks and public grounds of the city. As the grow up, I want them to grow comfortable and independant in navigating the city (on foot, on bike, on public transit), I want them exposed to diversity.
Diverse foods, diverse races and religions, diversity of economic status.
Whether when the time comes I am rich and successful, or poor and successful (I plan on being successful as I count it, whether that means rich or not is yet to be determined), I want my future children to grow up judging people on the basis of who they are and how they interact, rather than how much (or how little) they may have finacially at the moment.
Last night, I had a nice conversation and interaction with a man selling Streetwise (Chicago's homeless newspaper, so he is probably homeless) - we were both buying our dinner from the same chinese fast food joint. He asked, politely, if I would like to buy one of his newspapers. I declined (because I cannot afford it at the moment), but we talked instead about the food. Importantly, he smiled as we talked, we communicated briefly, but that's the essense of the city - diverse people can engage each other in friendly conversation around shared common experiences.
3/25/2003 12:41:00 PM
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Monday, March 24, 2003
Salon.com | Judgment day
Okay, a day for me linking to Salon. Another article in Salon which is close to my own position - especially with respect to how many in the "antiwar" movement seem to ignore the positives of our actions, namely the liberation and freedom that we are potentially bringing.
I am deeply encouraged that we are, it appears, fighting this war with a great deal of respect and care for the people on whose behalf we are fighting it, namely the people of Iraq.
However, unlike the author of this piece, I do not oppose this war.
And yes, I realize that this may cost me friendships, as most of my friends (and indeed family) are apt to be in the "No War" movement, in the "Peace" movement. And do not mistake me, I am not, by any means, a supporter or fan of George Bush.
But I am a supporter of America acting with strength to free oppressed people and of America acting to oppose Tyrants and dictators and supporters of Terrorism.
And though Saddam Hussain is by no means the only one in the world, he occupies a small and unusual group. And Iraq is an unusual situation.
For one, I have confidence in Iraq's ability to proper as a free society. It will not be easy, but there is much to draw upon which can help a free Iraq grow. Not just oil, but the return of refugees and exiles, millions strong and many very well educated. The restoration of some of the most devastatingly hit environmental disasters (The marshlands of the Marsh Arabs in the South of Iraq are apparently almost 90% gone, the date trees of Basra as well).
Iraq is an ancient land, a crossroads of trade and culture. It is a land I have studied in history, albiet for the most part with a bit of remove. My focus was on the history of many of countries around and near Iraq - what is now modern Turkey (Byzantine and then Ottoman history) as well as the history of the Armenians. In the course of this I studied a great deal of the history of Persia, and then of the Muslim expansion and Arab culture.
3/24/2003 08:56:00 PM
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Yahoo! Groups : newenglewoodterrace
Group I just created for a project I am helping with. Should be useful, and also a practice run for me in creating and managing a new group.
3/24/2003 08:43:00 PM
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The Constitution and the War Power: What Motivates Congressional Behavior
Written in 2001, and still up on Harvard's website but as a draft, this is a very interesting analysis of the oft quoted line "Congress has to declare war".
Like so much that becomes "truth", this is not as simple as people seem to assume. There is a very strong (and in my mind compelling) argument against this position.
In any case, as it regards Iraq, the Congress did pass a resolution (law? not certain what to technically call it) which authorized a nearly blank check in terms of the use of force to overthrow Saddam Hussain (limited to Iraq, the original was to not have specified Iraq) so the arguements of many that this is somehow an "undeclared" war seem at best disingenous.
3/24/2003 08:29:00 PM
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Attack Was 48 Hours Old When It 'Began' (washingtonpost.com)
Good and detailed article by The Washington Post on the when the war "really" began, as well as some of the actions that went on before the "beginning" of the war. More interesting perhaps, is the coverage of the decision process and planning process.
3/24/2003 08:10:00 PM
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Salon.com News | Gen. Wesley Clark, unplugged
Interesting and mostly insightful (though I personally think too much back and forth content light questions, too few interesting and contentful ones).
Apparently Gen. Wesley Clark is being talked about as a possible candidate for President. On the plus side, he is supposed to be pro-choice, in favor of Affirmative action (which makes sense given a military background), and has been a successful leader of the military in some of the more political aspects of it.
On the negatives for me, nothing I have read about him point to his fiscal views, his political base, or his opinions on other issues of importance to the US.
Anyway could be interesting a few years.
3/24/2003 08:01:00 PM
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Salon.com Books | Bush is an idiot, but he was right about Saddam
I do read sites other than Salon, really I do.
Read this article.
Read it.
3/24/2003 07:18:00 PM
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Friday, March 21, 2003
WorldNetDaily: An unconventional Arab viewpoint
An article referred to me by my friend Majorie. Well worth reading.
3/21/2003 01:25:00 PM
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On the updating of contacts
or how to keep in touch with too many people
Well this morning I installed and ran Plaxo. Plaxo was founded by one of the former founder of Napster, it provides a free service to help you update your contact database. More specifically, it is a plugin to Outlook (other systems planned) which then will send out an email to people in your contact database, and will provide them a means of updating your data themselves via an email to Plaxo (unique email address contained in the email your send out).
Useful, if not without flaws.
One, especially if you have lots of addresses, it is all to easy to send it to address that are not reasonable to update in this manner - i.e. mailing lists, customer service email addresses etc - I tried to be careful but I appear to have missed four or so address like that.
Two, not everyone who is in your address book may want to update you with their current information. In at least one case I recieved a nasty email back claiming that my email was spam, claiming that he did not know who I was (when, checking my records shows he is the one who had emailed me years ago in response to a letter of mine that had been posted in an online newsletter, but since his email requested that I remove him from my address book and not email him again, I did so).
So, we shall see, hopefully by doing this I will have a cleaner addressbook, and more accurate contact info for my friends and business associates. Renewing lost connections is a very good thing, if this process helps with that, it will be an afternoon and weekend well spent.
3/21/2003 12:17:00 PM
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Wednesday, March 19, 2003
Line56.com: Rust Belt Reborn
interesting historical reading - what we were saying about this region (Midwest) many years ago...
3/19/2003 09:07:00 PM
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Salon.com | See no evil
Article that is required reading for both sides of the debate about War. Link is the printable version, a "free" day pass may be required for viewing.
3/19/2003 01:18:00 PM
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Searching the BlogSphere
Looks interesting, when I start using RSS feeds (not an unlikely prospect in the future, though not on this site most likely), this looks to be a very useful app (and full source is available).
3/19/2003 10:29:00 AM
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Tuesday, March 18, 2003
LawMeme - Boalt DRM Conference Report
Great summary of the DRM conference I mentioned here a few weeks back. I posted a comment there about my suggestion for digital rights tracking instead of management - will be interesting to see if anyone responds.
3/18/2003 07:22:00 PM
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A photo of me from last year
While poking around the web, found this on my friend Mary Anne's journal - funny thing is I was wearing that same shirt just a few days ago.
3/18/2003 07:03:00 PM
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Guardian Unlimited Sport | Special reports | India v New Zealand
Apropos my earlier discussion, here is a link (first seen on BoingBoing, then today on Doc Searls) to an example of what can happen in the absence of an editor... check out the rant in the beginning of what is supposed to be a report on a Cricket match. Then, if you are brave, read on.
And on.
And on.
Blogging makes (made?) its way to the mainstream media - though somehow I suspect this never made it into print, just the web edition I suspect.
3/18/2003 06:11:00 PM
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Whispers of War - QuickTopic bulletin board
A discussion of a recent post by Kevin Sites (CNN report in Northern Iraq), I contributed the following as a comment on blogging vs. traditional media:
Traditional media serves many masters - the editor(s), the publisher(s), the company that owns the media source, the advertisers, even just the constraints and priorities of "other" news - i.e. what gets to be on Page 1 is dependant on many factors - most outside of the control of the journalist.
A blog, in contrast, is generally an individual voice (or a group of voices), yes still serving some "masters" but generally far fewer than in "traditional" media - in large part because the costs are significently lower.
Further, a blog is generally more a commentary or opinion piece than "hard" news - so different rules apply (in terms of language, tone, focus etc).
The negative is that all these other voices and forces do serve a valuable purpose - often they clarify the journalist's original writing (short is harder than long), sometimes they add valuable insight/information.
Here in Chicago, there is a "traditional" media version of this conflict - the local papers have each launched a cheaper tabloid (Red Eye by the Chicago Tribune and Red Streak by the Chicago Sun Times) both have far less editing than their parent papers, and often run stories in their original as submitted by the journalist form - the journalists themselves have commented that this is not always a good thing...
3/18/2003 05:13:00 PM
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LRB | Perry Anderson : Casuistries of Peace and War
Good article, need to read in more detail when I have time (thanks to Doc Searls for the link)
3/18/2003 11:37:00 AM
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Monday, March 17, 2003
If you wonder what I do...
Here are two links about what I do (am doing) - if you are reading this, feel free to check these out - your comments and feedback are most welcome.
First, a site (not yet public) about Decisa: Contract Management Software, my company's current software offering which we are launching later this month
Second, my pitch (look for it in the comments) to a VC about Decisa.
Decisa is going to be the primary focus for me for the next few months, though I will also be trying to get something written for the Writer's Workshop at Wiscon, this will be what I focus my time and energy on at work (and since I'm the owner "at work" basically means "while awake").
3/17/2003 05:28:00 PM
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A weekend
weather permitting
This weekend I accomplished a few minor things, one semi-major one, and enjoyed a bit of the wonderful weather here in Chicago.
First the simple things, a list, mostly for myself. I finished a number of magazines that had been piling up (this week's The Week and Business Week, the New Yorker, Strategy+Business) - that was mostly Friday Night, some Saturday, a bit on Sunday. I read "Have Trenchcoat, Will Travel" a novella by E.E. "Doc" Smith published by Advent Press of Chicago, I have not yet finished the three short stories also in the book, will read some of them this week as bedtime reading. I also started ">Free Live Free by Gene Wolfe which my friend Derek highly recommended that I read.
I read the first 200 pages or so last night (started at around 8 finished around 11, yes I read really really fast). It is very cool so far, and I am sure that I will enjoy finishing it, hopefully later tonight.
On the less optimistic side however, I susepct that there are strong echos in the work of a story that I have been and am working on - so it is a book I am reading somewhat bittersweetly, on the one had I am really enjoying Gene Wolfe's writing - which is much stronger and better than I seemed to remember it from the other books of his that I think (assume?) I have read - I'll probably start a bit of a minor Gene Wolfe kick later this year. On the other hand, it is somewhat discouraging to see someone tae a story not that far removed from one that you have been thinking about and do something far better than your version of it, but perhaps I can think of it as a challenge - here is one path to a story, let me find another and different one (his I think involves fairies of a sort, which is not a part of my novel).
I also spent some time on Sunday night working, wrote up specs for a project that hopefully will be starting later this week. On the plus side this means a small amount of revenue (hopefully) and some potential future revenue, but it is not a big project and my piece is really quite small - still work is work.
This week I have many diverse goals - some personal, but most business. First, I want to organize and clean up my spaces - too many piles, too high of a chance that somethign important is being overlooked in the midst of one of the piles. Second, I want to keep catching up on my reading lots of books I have aquired recently which I want to read... that's the fun stuff, probably will read William Gibson's new book later this week.
On a business front, I hope to launch fully my new software product later this week - that means that we will be open for business, able to take sales of the software online - and that means that I will be starting to publicize and push the software. I also plan on starting to contact lots of people about the software and see what happens. I also need to set a time for a Ryze mixer later this month, and to start the push for the mixer in April (April 29th, Mike Tanner of the Chasm Group will be speaking - contact me for details).
This means that much of my time this week will be spent on sales calls, and in writing up sales related materials - website content, updated presentations, help text, and other details - lots of writing and design work ahead of me this week - should be fun when it is all done but a lot of work until it is. I'll also be having to make lots of sales calls, something I am not that good at doing - but I'll keep getting better as the weeks go on.
3/17/2003 12:36:00 PM
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Thursday, March 13, 2003
Fictionwise eBooks: Asimov's Science Fiction October/November 2002 by Dell Magazines
Looks like you can buy an Electronic copy of the issue of Asimovs with the winning story by John Kessel in it for $4.68 - though it is not entirely clear if it is still on sale... hard to say. Not so hard to say in fact, looking at it closer, not for sale anymore. Too bad, I would have probably paid the money to read a copy of the story, now I'll have to ask Alice at Stars Our Destination if she has a copy in her back catalogue of issues of Asimov's...
3/13/2003 06:39:00 PM
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Tangent Online
Review of John Kessel's "Stories for Men" which is the other Tiptree winner this year, not sure if it was in anything other than Asimov's Oct/Nov 2002 issue.
3/13/2003 06:28:00 PM
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Reviews for Light by M. John Harrison
One of two winners of this year's Tiptree award (according to my friend Mary Anne who is one the prize committee - but does not look to be available here in the US yet.
3/13/2003 06:24:00 PM
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Camelot: The Very Secret Diaries: T.H. White, part 1
It is up - my contribution to the Camelot very secret diaries. May not be linked to for a while until Mary Anne has a free moment, but you can look at my entry now...
3/13/2003 05:38:00 PM
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Camelot: The Very Secret Diaries
Cool thing that Mary Anne (friend from college and internet celeb - search google on Mary Anne, she's first...) has set up...
I've started writing the entries for "T. H. White" - should be fun (but not so serious...)
3/13/2003 02:16:00 PM
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Salon.com Technology | The myth of interference
Have I mentioned that I periodically get on a Salon kick... this is the type of important article about Science that more people be writing (and reading). Basically, it may be the case that all that you think you know about radio spectrums (broadcast radio and TV) is wrong - that "interference" is not inherent but a symptom of our equipment - with the write tools bandwidth and spectrum are virtually unlimitted and plentiful!
Cool stuff, and builds on stuff others have been writing about of late - also very radical stuff - earthshaking change to entire industries!
3/13/2003 01:58:00 PM
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Salon.com Life | A very few good men
An article that highlights how "non-male" I feel (but I know also that I'm not gay). Basically Andrew Hacker has written a book, ">Mismatch: The Growing Gulf Between Women and Men which discusses the growing gap and difference between men and woman.
To quote from the interview:
And if women wish to be treated as equals -- for example, wanting to talk to men -- that may be interpreted as an attempt to feminize men?
That's a fascinating way to put it. How's this for an example: Let's say a man and a woman are watching TV, and "Masterpiece Theatre" is showing an adaptation of Henry James' "The Golden Bowl." Let's say the woman would really love the man to watch it with her and then discuss it with her afterward. She'd like the man to do that with her; she really would. But she's not going to get it, though.
I guess I am not, by his research, a man - I would definitely want to discuss something like "The Golden Bowl" with a woman. Heck, the type of woman who would want to discuss literary adataptations is very much the type of woman I want - though I'd probably even prefer the woman who would want us both to read the book and then talk about that...
And he continues, apparantly a large part of golf (and other sports I think) is "hanging out in the locker room" - I think I missed that memo about "how to be a man" - I basically actively dislike "hanging out in locker rooms" - I avoid them as much as possible.
According to Hacker, "guys have been talking about sports since age 10" - again, something I've mostly missed out on. Yes, I grew up watching football with my father, but just watching it, talking about it was not a big part of our interaction, or my interaction with my friends. I played soccer for while as a kid, but in my house at least, my sister was by far the more "into" sports person than I, but no one really "talked" about sports - we enjoyed them from time to time, but rarely as something we would spent mental energy on discussing.
By Hacker's depiction I am more like the "gay" men he describes, but though I have many friends of all sexualities, I also know for certain that my interests are with woman.
I guess the good news, such as it is, is that perhaps I am the type of man that Hacker notes woman will be looking for in the future, but he doesn't think exists.. so if he, a research in the field doesn't think I exist, what does that say about the average woman out there...
So, good article - go and read, and check out the book.
3/13/2003 01:49:00 PM
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Wednesday, March 12, 2003
Gargoyles, Architecture and Devices (Mary Gentle)
Found this while looking for some info on some Mary Gentle books that appear not to have made it to the US... something for me to look for at used book stores.... Yeah!
3/12/2003 06:41:00 PM
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Tuesday, March 11, 2003
"England Have My Bones" the T. H. White Webpage
Okay, think about how life was pre-Internet.
Then think about how it is now.
As a child, T.H. White was perhaps my first really serious bit of book collecting and my first passion in terms of books - I collected over many years first editions of all of the parts of "The Once and Future King" as well as many other books by (and about) T. H. White.
Now, take a look at this site - it is a new checklist for me of all the many books and editions which I do not yet own! Very cool - but a reminder of just how different things are today in contrast with pre-Internet days.
3/11/2003 05:13:00 PM
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SourceID | Discuss
Good points to the article and discussion (thanks Doc - where I saw the link) are that it favorably describes Ryze as a community site that works (cool) but on another level I am not sure that this entirely "gets" it.
I, for one, do NOT want to use some special app for my IM AND my email.
Especially if that email is then restricted to people I "let" in to my circle - far, far far too restrictive a tool and an interface for me.
But I'll be paying attention to this in the upcoming months.
3/11/2003 04:31:00 PM
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How to Think Like a Computer Scientist
Last Thursday after a great discussion at Cafe Society, I had a conversation with a man who currently works at Etrade about technology and about learning to program.
Had I known about this series of open books, this would be what I suggested to him to start with. Three books, one for Java, Python, and C++ all freely available and open (under the GNU license) with rich content about how to learn to program and "think" like a computer scientist.
This is nearly my exact suggestion to him - before he got focused on learning a particular technology or a particular programming language and toolkit, he should first take a class that would teach him how to "think" like a programmer. I'd suggest to him that he look for a class that used one of these books.
If you (or someone you know) wants a resource for learning to program - I would highly recommend starting here.
3/11/2003 12:38:00 PM
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Monday, March 10, 2003
A good weekend
at least in many respects
So, this weekend, I finished three books. I reread Golden Witchbreed by Mary Gentle (out of print at present but if you have not read well worth finding and reading!). I also finished Smart Mobs by Howard Rheingold and Tomorrow Now: Envisioning the Next Fifty Years by Bruce Sterling. Both of which are well worth reading. In fact, if you are reading this, you should go (follow the links to Amazon if you like) and buy both books - very good, very interesting, very thought provoking.
It was a weekend spent reading, sitting in cafes and student lounges, talking with friends, and attending art shows/multimedia performances. All in all, except for the fact that I did all of this basically alone, close to my ideal way to spend a weekend.
Perhaps I am strange, but my ideal would be to have a girlfriend who would enjoy spending an afternoon lounging together both reading, occasionally interupting each other to show the other something cool, to get a cup of coffee, to give a back massage. My fantasy, as it were, would be to have a woman to spend time with who would enjoy the silences as much as the "doing" of stuff. Someone who shares my love of reading but who would join me for trying a new korean place when the mood strikes, or who might suggest a movie for us to cuddle together and watch in the evening when we came home.
I found myself, over the weekend, very jealous of a couple I saw buying a gallon of milk together late Sunday night. It was after 11pm, I had stopped into the Walgreens near my house to buy a few things for the week to come, they entered just before me. The very domestic act of buying a large gallon of milk seemed somehow, very much something to be jealous of.
This weekend I spent time in two different universty environments. On Saturday I spent the day mostly in Hyde Park. After eating a quick late lunch, I attended a friend's multimedia show (celebrating her 40th birthday by sharing her life and works with her friends and family - very cool). After that, I found a parking space near to campus and spent the evening reading in the student lounge on campus, the Reynolds Club North Lounge for those of you from the U. of C. Everytime I return to the U. of C. I am reminded again of just why I for all that I may complain, also really love the U. of C. It is a place and atmosphere where I feel very much at home, a place that I feel very much a part of for all that I am no longer actively associated with them. At lunch (well whatever you call a meal at 3:30 on a Saturday afternoon) I was surrounded by U. of Cers. To my left, a woman (should have probably gotten her name) who's idea of lunch time reading was Game Theory for Economists - my type of gal... and to my left another U. of C. sight, a man and a woman having, in part, the "I just want you to know that you and I are just friends" speech... I felt for the man, it was a conversation and a discussion that I can repeat almost verbatum, which I found myself mostly able to predict as it progressed.
Though, it was also kinda cool when, as so many U. of C. conversations will, they got distracted into a discussion about something else, in this case, playing Dungeons and Dragons - they both play and had played and talked about past games and campaigns. It reminded me of just what I had expected as college, and in part what I did not get but missed nonetheless.
I am an odd person, I know this - my friends know this, somehow I guess it shows when I walk and I talk.
A current ad, which I think is running nationally, on the radio stations here really annoys me. It is a beer ad (so perhaps not a great surprise) for Killean's Irish Red Lager I think. It starts by "A blond walked into the bar and every man in the room paid attention to her."
This is the first thing that really gets me - personally (and this is I guess revealing a lot) I do not find Blonds attractive. In fact, I can literally count the times in my life that I have been sexually arroused by a blonde (basically once) - otherwise blond hair for me is not just not attractive, but something that is actively a turnoff. Yes, this means that such icons of sexuality as Madonna and Marilyn Monroe are not my fantasy woman. Same too with Pamala Anderson or most of the woman of Sports Illustrated or Playboy - blond hair somehow is hardwired for me as "woman I find almost literally repulsive - at least not sexually attractive". The rare exception was a woman with literally almost a perfect figure who also had, in a conversation I overheard, revealed that she was a seriously smart programmer and savvy businesswoman - smart, physically amazing - I could forgive her the blond hair. So that's the short version of that rant.
Then the ad continues - basically contrasting the listener to the "hipster dressed all in black" who "likes poetry and bongo drums" which they imply directly as "how sexy is that..."
Personally I would very much want the woman who likes poetry, philosophy and bongo drums - very much my type of woman. But I guess, if the advertising folks are to be trusted, that makes me very much not an American male - or at least not a member of the mainstream or the popular crowd...
I also have been thinking a lot lately about groups - all the reading I have been doing about network theory.
I find myself deliberately avoiding anything too associated in my mind with what "everyone" likes - i.e. I have not yet read the Harry Potter books, I have never seen any of the Jurassic Park movies or indeed most other major blockbusters (the exception being usually movies I go and see early in their run before their popularity has been established). But as a general rule, whether it is a book, a movie, or "blonde woman" if everyone is supposed to like it - I tend to actively avoid it, and indeed generally mistrust it.
This extends to a lot of vectors of life.
I do not drink for the most part, I'll occasionally have a glass of wine or a bottle of cider - but I avoid all hard liquer, more than one glass of wine, and all beer (or other bottle drinks). This is a very concious choice on my part but I am also sure that in part it is because "everyone" drinks.
Part of me is very much defined by my "not being" like everyone else - its been a part of me for most of my life, so I guess I keep at it.
I have never, in my entire life, been drunk or high on illegal drugs (and I'm unhappy that I have had one surgery that required me to be put under for the surgery, and a root canal that required some painkillers in the days following). For the most part I don't take painkillers (only a handful of times in my entire life), and other than antibiotics when sick and occasional use of asthma inhalers or Claritin for my allergies and generally don't take any other drugs at all.
Yes, I know that this makes me a very very odd American male in his mid-twenties - heck, based on the stats the average American high school student has done more drugs and drinking than I have (and probably had more sex as well).
Further, I am not a music fan.
Let me explain, I do not actively dislike music - far from it, I enjoy it. But I am not passionate about it, it does not and has not ever define me as who I am. I am not a "hip hopper" or a "rocker" or a "metalhead" etc. I guess this too is a form a group identity which I have avoided almost completely.
And though I know it is not true, I find group membership of any form very difficult. It usually seems that unless I take an active role in trying, that I generally am overlooked and unwanted as a member of a given group. I know that this is not entirely the case, people have reassured me many times on this account, but still it is my default assumption - that not only will a group tend to just "let me go" that as a general rule they would prefer that I were not a part of their group.
This is irrational and not likely true - but it is an assumption of mine, and again why I tend, I think, to avoid group identity.
I just got my haircut on Friday. And though it does look much better, part of me now feels a bit of a fraud, rather than my "true" self - with the slightly crazy hair and "mad scientist" look I had been getting - now I look not too unlike many other young professionals - with a well groomed, fairly short, haircut.
Anyway, this is rambling. Nothing I will resolve in a short blog entry (well even a long one).
I am, however, thinking more and more that parts of my life might make for an interesting book - basically a book depicting what it is like to be "the other" in America. The "other" not in a dramaticly visable sense, but the other in a cultural and subtle sense. I grew up a "gifted" student, the child of two different cultures (Jewish and Catholic), of two working parents (but who both cooked and both made it to the dinner table for most meals). I grew up not a music fan, not a pop culture person, without a TV in fact.
I grew up, without, if if can be believed, watching Mr. Roger's Neighborhood or Sesame Street.
I say this because I truly believe that much of why I am so different, but in mostly subtle non-visable ways, is because of this. While most Americans grew up watching TV for their culture, and thus finding and joining some larger cultural entity - which then fit them into a "slot" and gave them a group to be a part of and identified with - as well as provided them with a framework of what was expected of them in high school, while dating, etc.
Instead, I grew up reading books, mostly which had been published decades earlier. I grew up listening to "old time radio" for entertainment. Listening only rarely to music (and then, truthfully, mostly to showtunes - and yes, I know enough about pop culture to know that that phrase is often a codeword for "gay"). I was a gamer - so for a while that was a bit of a group and an identity that I had, though even there, my interests and role quickly changed - I tended to be the Dungeonmaster - not "just" a player.
In elementary school though I tried to be a part of some groups, such as the boy scouts or a soccer team, it was not with a great deal of success. In the small catholic school that I attended from 3rd to 6th grade, there was only a small group of us that were clearly in the "top" of the class, and I did not have many friends then at all - in large part because I acted up, and because I was very different - a year younger, spoke with a strange accent from New York (and a bit from Virginia) and was even then very strange. Certainly the fact that I did not share in the common culture of TV shows and pop music did not help me at all.
Junior High was not much better, there it even grew to actual physical torture (making me perhaps forever leery of groups to some degree). I was active in the theater group at the school, but never as an actor, always as something else.
High school was terrible - there while I quickly found a group of fellow "geeks" (the science fiction club), even in that group, I was seemingly the default outcast even among the outcasts.
The past decade since I entered college, in many ways my role has changed, but in many ways it has not - I am still, for the most part, a loner - but not of choice. This weekend, I was reminded of the simple things that I wished I had someone else to share with - not necessarily a large group, but in fact, preferably just a single person - someone else to be there, someone to touch.
My friend, who celebrated her 40th birthday this weekend, had a very powerful essay that she read on the subject of touch. As I listened to her read, I realized just how little touch I get in my life. I have not had a good backrub in more than a few years. I have not hugged someone in a sexual manner in over four years or kissed someone. I have not even held hands with someone in many many years.
Yes, I have shaken hands, I have hugged friends and family, but I have had very little physical contact for many many years, and I have neither touched or been touched for basically four, really four and a half years. This cannot, I suspect, be an altogether good thing.
Anway, this is now, way too long and rambling. So, more on these random subjects at some other date.
3/10/2003 06:16:00 PM
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Friday, March 07, 2003
World of Ends
Go and read this. By Doc Searls and David Weinberger.
Important and well written stuff.
3/07/2003 01:26:00 PM
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Tuesday, March 04, 2003
Sony's CEO Unplugged :: AO
Very good initial part of an interview with Sony's CEO published on AlwaysOn-Network. Quite a lot of intriguing points - and shows that at least at the CEO level of Sony there is a great deal of awareness and knowledge about where technology is and could be going.
I'm especially intrigued by the difference he cites in his suggestions and SonyMusic's past actions about downloadable music and content. I like, personally, his view that filesharing could encourage lots of micropayments - this is very much a view I would support and hold.
3/04/2003 01:49:00 PM
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Monday, March 03, 2003
Full Disclosure XML proposal
Discussion that builds on the same discussion that I commented on at Anil Dash's blog. Interesting suggestion - basically an XML format for full disclosure. I think a good idea, very rough around the edges, and probably needs some more fleshing out (and only works perhaps for RSS driven sites? Otherwise, how is this full disclusure distributed to readers?
And is it per-entry? (which implies a modification to something like the Blogger API so that you can chance the full disclosure XML at the same time as you add a new entry)
Lots of stuff to work thru but it is a start of a good idea.
3/03/2003 06:15:00 PM
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Eye contact
or do I make too much of it and may be mugged someday?
This weekend, after mostly not watching TV at all, I finally relaxed briefly Sunday night, ate some dinner, and watched random shows. Which included one on, I think, the Learning Channel that included instructions of a sort on what to do in a lot of different situations. Including possible muggings, being held by gunpoint by a crazed co-worker and other nice possible situations.
The instructions included a number of ones which I fundementally do not agree with (though perhaps the "experts" know something I do not - I'm not an expert).
First, in both scenarios they emphasized the importance of "avoiding eye contact" - made a very big deal of this, repeated it many times, even had an "expert" on that was a talking head (head shot only) and said that "avoiding eye contact is a primative gesture that indicates passiveness and submission" - which they claimed would lead to a lowered risk of being beaten or shot.
More on this later.
The second item was in the case of a man with a gun pointed at you "do what he says" - i.e. because he has the gun just do what you are told. The implication of their advice being that not only is this of course the best action, but that because they have the gun they control the situation - and thus your actions are now basically out of your own control.
I should explain something here, in many ways I am a hard line existentialist (like Sartre but not his communist leanings) - that is, I hold as the core of my worldview and philosophy that free will and free choice is at the core of everything - and that I am responsible for all of my actions - and that I always have a choice - nothing excuses me from responsiblity, not even "a man with a gun pointed at me".
But more on that some other day - my main interest today is on the this whole idea of "avoid eye contact."
My experience in life has been that when you make eye contact with a stranger on the street it will more likely diffuse a situtation than start one. That is, by looking someone in the eye you show them respect and connect with them as a human being. The situation being further impacted by your other gestures, bearing, and reactions. Generally I look at someone (especially someone approaching me) in the eye, and then both smile or nod and tip my head in greeting - usually followed with moving to the appropriate side (this is assuming that we might otherwise have been on course to walk into each other).
All of my interactions may be helped by the fact that I am not a small man (5' 11", 220lbs) and I have lived in and walked in the city for quite a while.
But on the other hand, I have never once been mugged or assulted, and I have certainly walked late at night (and during the day) through parts of Chicago where that was and is a real possiblity.
Once this year I was yelled at and cursed at by a begger - but also, it was someone with whom I had avoided eye contact, someone I probably had clearly sent a message of "I'm ignoring you".
Mostly, however, my interactions with people on the street result in smiles, friendly gestures, even surprised conversations with me - in at least one case specifically on the point that I had made eye contact, and that I had smiled. In that case, an older black man, he said that I was the first white person that week to do so - to aknowledge that he was a person and an individual - his comment was that I was the first white person who clearly did not think of him as a "black man" first.
I mention race here, because the show, in another move I did not approve of, showed the "muggers" as a gang of "tough" black men. And though they showed a victim of the "gang" as another black male, and though the footage was supposed to be "actual footage shot by the gang members themselves" - I thought as I viewed the show that the message being sent to the audiance was clear "be scared of a group of young black men walking down the street with you".
Yes, they then had a middle aged black man as the "expert" offering advice (including the "don't make eye contact it will only trigger primative rage" or some such - which perhaps the show's producers thought would temper their message a bit. But for me the message seemed clear.
My experience, and I have quite a bit of it with bullies at least, is that it is the very denying that they are individuals (and also that you are one and someone like them) that allows for and causes the physical (and mental) torture to occur.
If, however, indivuality and individual connections are brought into the moment - the situation can diffuse (may still not, but it can). A smile, eye contact (but brief not confrontational), and perhaps even shared words and conversation can and do diffuse a situtation.
Personally were I confronted by a group of muggers - something that has never yet happened to me - I would talk to them but not by looking away and downward and submitting but rather by looking up to and at them. I would also try to connect with them in some way, to show them that I was an indivudual, and to aknowledge that they too were as well - something that we held in common - the weather, a local sports team, the neighborhood, perhaps something from what they are wearing or carrying - or a common local establishment.
Do not get me wrong, some people (of all races) are evil and dangerous - and bad things can and do happen all the time. But, and this is probably controversial, I firmly believe that you generally get what you expect - so, if you walk through the city expecting to be in danger, it gets sensed and you are in fact in danger. If, however, you walk through the city expecting not to be in danger, and expecting that the people around you will be friendly and welcoming, that is generally the reaction you will get.
My friend Andrius tells a story of living on the south side of Chicago (he is white, the area he was staying at, my friend David's house is very poor and mostly black). He was confronted one day by a group of his neighbors - who proceeded to tell him "we're looking out for you" - i.e. not in a "we're going to mug you, shoot you, take your money" but in a "hey, we've noticed you're around here...
Andrius is a very engaging sort - holds longer conversations with more people than even I - but I think his interaction is not some rare isolated example, but rather what happens when, like him, you have an attitude that people are basically good and honest.
There is mugh more, but this is overly long - more later this week.
3/03/2003 05:19:00 PM
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Salon.com News | Aide on U.S. image in Muslim world quits
An idea - for what it's worth.
What if instead of a "big" plan to "sell America and American Ideals" to the world, we instead engaged in a "smaller" plan - more point to point, but impactful nonetheless.
Specifically, what if we here in the US (and elsewhere) were to try to reach out to the "muslim street", ideally in non-religious and non-political ways.
I'm thinking of ways such as trading with them, playing games (literally online), chatting, answering questions, learning Arabic from them and teaching them English. Exchanging music, photos, etc.
I am at my heart a historian, and my interest is in the Middle East - but in a history of trade and commerce, not of religion or war.
It is a region with a long history of trade and connectiveness to the world - so why should it not be so in the current era? Yes there are technical difficulties and formal censorship in some parts and yes, perhaps Internet access is not widespread - but not all forms of online communication require broadband or even need to be widespread.
For example, with just a few connections could not those connection points serve as relays for information and the exchange of ideas? Americans and westerners sending images, sound bites, photoes etc - the connection points in the Middle East printing out, burning to CD (and from that to tape) the sounds and images of people here in the West?
It is also a case that those of us who are not evangelical Christians, but who are still Americans (or other Westerners) should emphasize to the rest of the world that we do exist, and should show our willingness to be engaged.
And not all of this needs to be "mere" friendship, there is certainly room for businesses to connect and prosper as well - even in a time of possible war.
Yes, there are risks (but when are there not any in business or in life) but there are also opportunities. A large part of the challenge faced by the countries in the Middle East is that they have a very young society, increasingly so, and that while a few people are amazingly wealthy from Oil, and a few countries have spread this wealth to their citizens (but then too restrict who can be a "citizen" very harshly) the case majority of the society are not rich and the oil wealth has created few incentives or opportunities for other industries to prosper.
Historically the wealth of the Middle East was in trade - serving as a crossroads for the world. In modern times, however, this trade role has been bypassed by modern shipping and airfreight and little alternatives have arisen.
There is nothing in the Koran or in Islamic society that is against commerce and business, though there are restrictions and rules on certain forms of transactions (interest payments for example fall under prescriptions against ursury, not unlike similar restrictions on it that Christians practiced not that many years ago). These restict some forms of transactions common in current financial markets - but these restrictions too are not a total barrier, there are acceptable alternatives and other means by which to conduct business.
My point is that why should all of the connections between societies and even countries be only the domain of the current administration - why should not the energy and effort that the current Anti-war movement is now using to engage in a futile (mostly) and idealistic venture against governments in the west instead be used to engage directly with the populace of the Middle East - to engage with them one-on-one and business to business and see if as a mass alternative solutions to seemingly intractable problems can be found.
I should emphasize however that solutions predicated on "this is God's will" or other forms of religious "truth" are unlikely to make headway - they certainly have not since the 7th century. Rather, I am suggesting that we look for ways to cooperate and prosper together. And for ways to be so busy communicating and/or working together that we stop trying to kill each other.
(full disclosure, while I am personally not religious and am, indeed, atheistic (but also not communist in the least) my family is a mix of Irish Catholic and Eastern European Jews - so take that with what you will)
3/03/2003 05:10:00 PM
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anil dash - buying into blogs
My comments (probably too long) on Anil's post about Project Blogger and corporate use of blogs as a marketing medium.
My discussion identified three types of blogs (I'll probably reproduce my comments here later today)
3/03/2003 03:14:00 PM
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